From Meatamegetable Farms. We are proud to bring you these vegetable substitutes made from 100% pure animal protein (plus some claws and beaks). Our high quality vegetable substitutes can be used as replacements for vegetables in many dishes, from salad to... uh... more salad!
Because eating things that came out of the dirt is just wrong!
Do you suffer from Vegetable Intolerance?
There they are. Just laying there on the plate. Vegetables. Many people don't want to eat them due to moral, religious or dietary reasons. However, the shame and social pressure that comes from not consuming them can cause pain, both physical and emotional.
We use a patented process to convert a wide variety of animals into a wide variety of Megetables. We use kittens, dogs, zebra, elephant, kangaroo, quail, gazelle, elk, horse, cow, duck, raccoon and many, many more.
About Us:
Many people have issues with the consumption of vegetables. From moral, ethical and religious reasons to the simple creepiness of eating something that sprouted out of the ground. Others find that vegetables don’t agree with their digestive systems or taste in music. We at Megetalabs have created Megetables for people who, for whatever reason, are vegetable intolerant.
Amazing discoveries!
We have faced many technical challenges while creating Megetables. One of the most daunting was determining which animals would produce the best vegetables. When we started, we thought about the obvious; color correlation.
Shouldn’t white bunnies make the best cauliflower?
Shouldn’t orange kittens make good carrots?
As it turns out, this wasn’t the case, and lucky for us, since most vegetables are green. We were anticipating needing a huge supply of parrots to make most of our product line. But it turns out that there is no color correlation at all between the animal and the type of the Megetable product that they make.
Orange kittens for example make terrible carrots, but they make great green peppers!
How do we do it?
Well, it takes a big factory and a ton of chemicals and machinery, but the most important ingredient is animals. We use tons of animals of all sorts to produce Megetables. After the “initial preparation phase”, we put the animals in the Megetablizer and let the machinery and chemicals do their work. After several hours of automated processing and a smell that is best described as “interesting”, out pop the Megetables according to the settings for what we were processing that day. For instance, on a given day we might be producing Mockoli, our faux broccoli product. Mockoli is produced from whole pork products (pigs). So a truckload of hogs are dumped into the input chute of the Megetablizer, then they move through the various stages of preparation for less aliveness, taste, texture, color, crispness and finally, packaging.
Which do people prefer?
Megetables 65%
Soilent Yellow 22%
Soilent Orange 10%
Other 3%
Our Process Revealed
We use only surplus quality animal protein in our Megetables, so you know that all the really good
meat was left for your table. Now you can eat your Megetables without guilt!
Vegetables good for you?
We don't think that question is as straightforward as some people might think.
These people all ate vegetables way back when everything was organic and what do they all have in common? They are all dead.
John Wayne never ate a real vegetable in his entire life and he's famous, and will live forever in the hearts and minds of every real American.
